You may have heard that every person in the world is connected to anyone else by no more than six degrees of separation—six friends of friends of friends. The point is that we are all more connected than we realize.
When it comes to mentoring and encouraging others, it’s all about discovering connections. When you begin to look intentionally for connections with others (not necessarily friends of friends, but universal experiences you may share with another person, such as dealing with depression or loneliness, making choices about a career, or striving for personal fulfillment), you’ll realize you have much in common. In any given conversation, relationship, or scenario, you are only a few degrees away from an opportunity to influence another person. If you’ll only be intentional.
Consider the following creative twists on living a life of influence wherever you go.
1. Inventory your life experiences.
You don’t have to dig too deep into your basic life experiences to find something that could benefit another person. Have you graduated from college? Many young people need someone to walk them through the application process. On a deeper level, have you experienced infertility or infidelity? Marital difficulties or miscarriages? Bankruptcy or cancer? Many people undergoing the same things would cherish hearing from someone who has already been there. Let your pastor know your willingness to talk about these subjects with others.
2. Email.
Many informal mentoring relationships take place over the phone or in email conversations. Your goal is to establish a spiritual or emotional touchpoint with another person. For example, as a mother of teenagers, you may have noticed a mother with toddlers in your church. Remember how stressful that time was, and offer to email her encouraging verses once a week. Building on that, you may call her once a week to talk about nursing, pediatricians, discipline, etc.
3. Use your personal testimony.
You don’t have to sit down for an hour with someone in order to share your testimony. Instead, share with someone you see on a regular basis and simply make a comment or two that incorporates part of your testimony. Strike up a conversation, and share how your experiences relate. “So you’re stressed about your work schedule? I was stressed at work, too, but I found a way to deal with it that really works.” The next time you see that person, pick up where you last left off.
Using Personal Testimony
“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have” (1 Peter 3:15).
How many opportunities have you missed because you were unprepared or unwilling to share your faith? For many people, the answer is “too many.”
The most powerful evangelistic tool you have is within your grasp. It’s not a seminary degree—it’s your personal testimony. Why? Because you are the expert on what happened in your life. People may debate the reliability of the Bible, but they cannot refute your personal experience. Your testimony can be a spiritual tie-in at any point in a conversation. But you must be prepared. You should be able to tell your testimony in a short version (less than one minute) and in a longer version (three minutes max).
There are three parts to a personal testimony:
Life before Christ
Choose a descriptive word for your life before Christ. If you were a child when you became a Christian, think how your life might have turned out without Christ. Your word might be empty, boring, or purposeless.
How you became a Christian
Where were you? (At church, at camp, at home?) How did you become a Christian?
Life after you met Christ
Choose another descriptive word for your life as a Christian. You might say something like meaningful, fulfilled, or exciting. Describe some tangible benefit that God brings to your life today.
The most important and powerful part of your testimony is not what your life was like before Christ—it is the difference he makes in your life now. This should be the longest part of your testimony, and it is what will appeal to people. Because God is always at work in your life, keep your testimony fresh and updated. Look for opportunities to tie your testimony into everyday conversations. With practice, you’ll become more confident sharing your faith and even more aware of the many people you encounter who will be changed by your story.
Here Are Some Seeker Stories of Encouragement
“I grew up in a Christian home. Even though I attended church every Sunday with my family, my life still seemed empty. When I was sixteen years old, I attended a church camp and heard the gospel in a fresh way. I talked with my pastor one day at camp and told him I was ready to receive Christ as my Savior and Lord. He helped me say a prayer to God to ask him to forgive me of my sins and to come into my heart. Since that time, my life has been complete. Now that Jesus is with me, I no longer feel lonely, as I once did.”
See More Seeker Stories from Beginning the Journey
4. Offer to pray.
Look for those who are hurting. Every person you meet is fighting a battle of some kind. They may be sitting beside you on the bus or alone at church. Simply say, “I noticed you seemed [sad, lonely, upset, etc.]. May I pray for you this week?” You don’t have to pray right then and there, but take the initiative—it may be a divine appointment.
5. Become a mentor.
Women—Mentoring 101
What are women looking for in a mentor today? A friend. Authenticity. A relationship based on grace. Help in how to be a better wife, daughter, friend, mother, coworker. Guidance on time management. Practical advice on how to study the Bible. Titus 2:3–5 tells us that mentoring is how life skills are passed down generation to generation. It allows a woman who might not have learned life skills from her family of origin to acquire them through the body of Christ.
Does every woman need a mentor? Every woman would benefit from a mentor. Most women have at least one mentor, whether they recognize it as a mentor relationship or not. As relational beings, we seek input and affirmation from other women in our lives. We may admire a woman’s marriage and want to know her “secret.” Or we may value someone’s feedback on a particular problem and seek her advice in a crisis.
How do I know if I’m ready to be a mentor? If you are a Christian, then you are ready. The question is not, “Am I ready?” The question is, “Who around me is ready to be mentored?” A mentor only has to be one step ahead of the mentee, not a seminary graduate or an expert on life.
How do I start mentoring? First, tell God your desire to mentor. Then inform your pastor that you are available to mentor another woman. God will show you who—the women you will end up mentoring are most likely already in your life. Start where your passions are. If your passion is praying, you can meet to pray with someone. If your passion is sharing what you’re learning in the Bible, you may consider doing a study with another woman.
Why is mentoring so powerful? Studies have scientifically proven the value of relationships between women. An actual therapeutic, biochemical change occurs when women talk together. Their stress and adrenaline decrease and healthy hormones increase. Women relax in the presence of other women. Make yourself available to encourage and walk beside another woman. You can make a life-changing difference in another woman’s life.
Men—Find out how being a mentor can benefit yourself and others!
Imagine a perfect world with perfect dads. A father who loved you unconditionally, believed in you fiercely, and was willing to work with you tirelessly. Such a dad would listen attentively, teach patiently, and correct firmly but gently. What would it be like to have such a stabilizing masculine presence in your life? A concerned role model, close at hand whenever you needed him. Your very own adviser, instructor, coach, and confidant. Oh, and in that perfect world you’d also have godly granddads and uncles deeply involved in your life. Well, here’s a news flash! We don’t live in a perfect world and most of us have less-than-perfect role models. Which presents us with a few options. We can be blamers and whiners (the weak route—don’t go there). We can get mad and stay mad at the world (good for some therapist’s cash flow; not so good for you and your family). We can try to figure life out on our own (not recommended). Or we can find a mentor.
A mentor is a wiser guide who shows you the ropes. He has experienced the storms and battles of life, and lived to tell about it. A mentor doesn’t “have it all together”—who in the world fits that description other than Jesus? But he is committed to living a God-honoring life. Most important, a mentor is willing to pass on whatever insights and skills he’s acquired in life. He is a man who points you in the right direction, walks with you down the path, and helps you become the man God created you to be.
Luke Skywalker had Yoda. The Karate Kid had Mr. Miyagi. Joshua had Moses. Timothy had the apostle Paul. Who do you have? Who is in your corner, pulling for you, challenging you, helping you become the best you can be?
If you don’t have such an adviser, we recommend these steps:
First, pray. Ask God to bring a mature Christian into your life who would be willing to invest in your life. This is a prayer God likes to answer, because mentoring is close to his heart (see Exodus 18; Matthew 4:18–22; 2 Timothy 2:1–2; Titus 2:1–8).
Second, ask your pastor to pair you up with a man—an elder, deacon, or small group leader—who has a passion for developing other men. If your church has a mentoring or discipleship program, get involved.
Third, become a sponge. Observe your mentor and other godly men you know. Notice the way they live, how they treat people, and the kinds of decisions they make. Ask a million questions. Take mental notes.
Fourth, commit to mentoring someone else. Believe it or not, there are younger men who know less than you! Our great faith and God’s ideals for manhood must be passed on.
We may not live in a perfect world, and this may not be a foolproof plan, but try it. With a wise mentor on one side and someone you can mentor on the other, you will grow spiritually like never before. You’ll see God do amazing things in and through your life.